yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
