I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
porn star boner night. come get it.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Boobs are out for the taking
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
