as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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