Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
