We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
foreskin is a definite game changer
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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