did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
