Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
