I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
