I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
