He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Randomize
