I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
