Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
