covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
