At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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