I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
