Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
