My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
