what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
