It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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