I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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