rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
