Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
