I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
