No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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