So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
