I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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