how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
