WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
