I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
