what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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