My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
