I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
whose ass print is on the piano?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
