My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
