my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
