And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
