YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
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