So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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