South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
