Jerry, you need to find god
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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