Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
