i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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