This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
