Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
