just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
