I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
