my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
How many fucks given?
0.12846
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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