i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
