I looked at my own cervix.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Success! We fucked roommates!
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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