hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
