If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
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