this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
