they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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