i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
